HowTo:Win a fight on the Internet
With a bit of practice, you can defeat your enemies in online arguments. First of all, you must redefine words like "defeat", "enemy" and "argument".
Basic Steps
Its easy enough to get in a fight on the internet. Once you're in it, here are the steps you must take to win:
Step 1. Make up lies about the other person. Don't bother to know the
facts -- it will make you look too determined. This way if you lose, you can just say that you didn't care anyway. This is also known as an
ad hominem attack.
Tip Poor spelling is important. It gives you something to go back on. If someone is able to turn what you said around on you, you can say that you actually said something else and that you're just a bad spellre.
Step 2. The other person will defend themself. Retaliate with
untrue accusations. If they prove you wrong in some way, drop it and move on. A common mistake here is to step back and look at the situation.
Never look back. Some people continue to be proven wrong and this causes them to research their claims before they state them. This is always a big mistake.
Step 3. If it ever looks like it is going downhill for you, call the other person a
Nazi . This is equivalent of an argumental
nuclear bomb.
Step 4. Always get the last word. You can't lose if the fight isn't over, so make sure that you always get the last word. Beware that if you resort to calling your enemies Nazis, they are obligated by law to reply telling you that it is in fact poor argumental skills to call someone Nazi. This is universally understood to be the end of an argument. Be prepared to break the
Geneva Convention with more name-calling and declaration of
victory.
Step 5. If all else fails...make a comment about how many more myspace comments you have than the other person...cause you know...How many myspace comments one has is directly proportional to the coolness of said person...therefore you are insulting his ability to project coolness unto himself severely damaging his selfesteem and scarring him for life...this particular approch will stun your apponent for a few seconds while he tries to figure out exactly what you said...giving you ample time to leave the conversation hanging (see step 4).
Easy topics for beginners
As
chinese Kung-Fu masters will tell you, pick your fights. On the
internet it doesn't matter on which
side you're on. Feel free to even change sides, if it is required for victory (See Step 2 above). Your main objective is to insult your opponent to submission.
ps
Ka Ka doodle do