A fishy story...

[Electronics Squid]

I'm currently deployed out in the Pacific, and just wanted to tell everyone thanks for keeping me sane with all of your posts. We've been busy helping in Operation Tomodachi, so we haven't hit port in quite sometime. Hopefully when we do I'll get a chance to throw a line in the water, even if it's not from my kayak.

While out here I took an English class. During the class class we had an assignment to write a humorous essay about how to avoid doing chores or something similar. As soon as I sat down the following is what came to mind. It's nothing spectacular, but I think some here may enjoy it.

Markus

Huh, What List?

Finally, you get a day off to make up for all the overtime you’ve put in. This is your time. You’ve already planned the entire day out, but so has your wife. Her plan is vastly different from yours. Hers includes cleaning the garage, and yard work. Yours is all about fishing. Hers has you running errands, such as getting the groceries. Yours is all about fishing. The conundrum here is how can you go about your plan, while ignoring hers, and not end up on the couch.

You can always go to the stand by excuse for not getting things done; play dumb. This should be easy. She already knows not to expect too much from you, because you’ve carefully established your ignorance. This method works best if she has left a note, or perhaps texted you with the things she wants completed. Blowing off the text is easy, you can tell her you left the phone at home, in your car, or even that the battery died. This only works if you remember not to call her during the day. This can be difficult when you’ve reeled in that personal best halibut, or to tell her about the fool that almost flipped your kayak with his wake.

The note is a bit trickier, depending on where she left it. She knows you well enough that it will be put in a place with a guarantee you will see it. Your job here is to make it look like the note somehow had been moved. Animals and small children are perfect for this. If the note is on the counter by your keys; it’s the cat’s fault. To ensure she believes you, get its paw wet and then stick the note to the cat’s paw. When you put the cat down it will run off and leave the note to be found later. When she returns home and the note is found, there’s a paw print to establish guilt. Don’t have a cat, but you have a dog? You tell her you set your sausage and egg sandwich down on the counter, and the dog jumped up and ate it, and in doing so it must have dragged the note off as well.

Since you have the day off you get to take the kids to school. This gives you another chance for the perfect excuse. Maybe the note, with your help, got swept into one of the kid’s backpacks with their homework. Maybe it was grabbed by the kindergartner for drawing, again with your help. Just as with the animals, you need to make it so outrageous as to be believable. She’ll believe it, because let’s face it, she just doesn’t think you could come up with a story that good.

The easiest way to get out of doing her list is if she happened to tell you the things she wants done while you were in a state of sleepiness. With this you can do the shortest thing on the list, and claim that’s all you heard. You can also tell her you don’t remember any of it, and put the blame back on her for telling you while you were sleeping. She will undoubtedly be miffed, but will have to grudgingly accept that you do sleep like a hibernating bear.

Occasionally there will be no out. Sometimes the wife will have you figured out, and will make sure you know exactly what is on that ”honey do list”. In this situation you have only one option, bribery. Maybe it’s that huge yellowtail, or white sea bass you bring home that night; even if it come from a fish market, or one of your buddies. Perhaps it’s taking her to that sappy chick flick she has wanted to see. You just need to find the thing that will make her forget you blew her off.

Getting a day off to go out, and do what you want is a blessing. You need to take advantage of it whenever it comes up. Sometimes you get to have a little more fun than normal on those days, as you try to find a way to do so without making the wife mad. Sometimes you’ll win, and sometimes you’ll win, because any day fishing beats a day at work; even if you do end up sleeping on the couch.

[Deamon]

Good stuff! We might've been separated at birth or is that dummying down an inherent male trait? My dad told me his commander used to let them troll off the back of their Destroyer (lower deck?) when things were cool and the tuna were around...

[wiredantz]

LOL, sounds like when i call sick for work and i try to go fishing.

[tagyak]

that must be a great english class you're taking or great instructor. your writing, grammar, and sentence structure is good.

keep up the good work and thanks for serving our country. hope to see you out on the water.